Monday, 25 April 2011

Please note this is purely sarcastic... granny pants should be burnt!

The Enduring Appeal of Gigantic Knickers 

Gone are the days of crippling high heels, can’t-breathe dresses and a devilish G-string trying to ride its way to God knows where. If you can’t move in it, think of anything else in it, or even enjoy your night in it, then the item should be destroyed. And yes, this fully extends to your underwear. 

Heralding a return to the days of bumper packs of knickers bought by for you by your mum, big underwear is back in the game. There will be no more cringeworthy de-wedgy-ing whilst hiding behind your friend so that nobody can see what you're really up to (don't deny it, we've all been there). With these beauties we can walk tall, proud, and uninhibited; not a muffin top in sight. 

Covering the curves of your derrière with not an inch left on show, the new knickers are boldly respectable. You wouldn't be ashamed if you experienced a Marilyn moment with your skirt billowing up in the wind for full knowledge that you wouldn't be sharing much more than a classically designed pair of panties. Hideous drunken crotch shots are a thing of the past. 

For a flatteringly vintage high cut, with elasticated waistlines rising high towards the armpits, look no further than your local Sainbury's. Offering five sumptuous pairs for a mere £1.50, the Basics range pioneers this trend for fabulous value. Tesco and Asda also provide some bargain bloomers for your convenience. Fresh white cotton is ideal, so believe it or not, these are your new pulling pants. 

Typically the classic pair of lucky knickers are obscenely small, hand wash only nightmares. Despite being undeniably pretty these slips of silk are often not worth the effort considering their eventual landing site on the bedroom floor, usually occurring far too soon. Let's face it, as a rule, you've pulled far before they've even seen your smalls so you might as well have been comfortable for the duration of the evening. Enter your new best friend because oversized knickers are truly the way forward. 

The male reaction to this breed of bloomers might place doubt in the minds of some, but fear not. It's far more attractive to be proud of your generous briefs than to imitate the likes of Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears being caught out with miniscule underwear on display for the world to see. For the record, we're all aware that they're more interested in what's underneath than the knickers themselves so learn to love swapping lingerie tips with your grandmother because she was right all along when she questioned why on earth you wear 'those ridiculous little things'. 

When you next pick up your weekly shop be sure to include some of the supermarkets finest undies. You might even be pleasantly surprised by a pattern or two available to you in the aisles, who knows? Referencing glamorous fifties pin up girls with some high rise oversized lingerie you will realize that realistically, we all knew that bigger was better anyway.

1 comment:

Amy Lee Hubbard said...

yessss! i knew the fashion would come around again... so glad i didnt throw away my pants.
thanks for that sophie, mighty hilarious! :) x

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